Self Esteem: The Most Important Setup for Every Human Being

Assalamualaikum.

I don't have the exact definition of self esteem as many books and websites elaborate the meaning in such long sentences which discourage me to read further more. I was exposed to the reality of self esteem since I was a child, you know... primary school...

Self esteem is described as how do you view yourself.

Do you like yourself?

Do you love yourself?

Do you want to be yourself (as you are) or do you want to be another person?

Have you ever thought of... untungnya la dia boleh dapat barang-barang mahal... untungnya la dia boleh pakai baju mahal... kan bagus kalau aku pun dapat suami macam suami dia...

Positive self esteem always makes you a grateful person, in which you feel occupied with all things and love you have. It doesn't make you ask for more, and always for more.

Negative self esteem causes you to cry a lot over a conflict, fight a lot over small matter. Even if anyone else has the smart phone while you don't, negative self esteem will always exaggerate you dissatisfied feeling over the non-existence of the smart phone. Negative self esteem also means friction and trouble.

It is very important for every kid to learn how to gain the positive self esteem since their childhood. Why? Because they'll grow up and face a lot of challenging situations which need them to be themselves. Tell you what, positive self esteem makes one to stand out very firm, (orang Melayu cakap ada jati diri, bukan menjadi lalang) strongly chasing what he wants in his life.

 

It Is Not The Same When Your Siblings Are Married

Assalamualaikum...

Situations do change when people close to us are gonna be married. It takes my neocortex and amygdala into a small fight for 2 seconds thinking about how I am sharing my brother with his wife.

Because I was used to tell him everything and laughed to his jokes. But that is not the thing happening today anymore.

I guess my siblings will feel the same when I am married. No more this sister who will laugh cheerfully to their not-so-funny-jokes. (ayat berterabur)

It is good to have tight bonding with family members.

And it is also good to understand that everyone is gonna get married and have their focus for their new family. =)

Why Some Human Being Think Negatively?

Assalamualaikum.

I face many situations with negative people. One of their characteristics is: always spilling out bad words. They can never speak nicely especially in such nerve wrecking or emotional situation. They can never think positively (no husnus dzhon) towards other people.

The positive people are 180 degree different. They don't spill bad words, when they talk, they only say good words. When they see bad things happening around, they will only look up for positive points. 

From Dr Muhaya, how do we handle this negative people are:

1. Don't take to heart what they are saying, because those words spilled out are really from the bottom of their heart. Negative words come out from negative mind.

2. You can choose either to let their emotion to affect your thinking or not. No one will hurt you unless you allow it. 

3. Pray for them.

These negative people are pathetic (sorry to say but they really are). Because they don't know how to make this world a happy place for them. How are you going to seek for His love if you don't ever know that this world is a blessing? How do you find people around you are sent by Allah to cheer you up if you always have the negative thinking inside your head? 

People with negative thinking are used to say that all people around me are annoying, the world is being cruel, yet the only one who can make you the happiest is yourself, how you're thinking. Ask Allah to give you the big thinking, understanding about yourself. 

You can't force people to love you, but you can make people love you.

Sulking: Doesn't Convey Your Obejctives

Salam alaik.

Someone asked me yesterday, if I prefer a man who can console me every time I sulk.

The answer isn't "I don't" , clearly because a man who can console his lady is cool.

But it is not the definite quality that I look up for. Reason being: I do not sulk easily.

When I was a kid, I sulked every time someone made me offended. And I realized, I was offended and I needed them to say 'sorry' and appreciate me more.

That is absolutely not happening.

I believe (till today) that if I want something, I need to speak up. Do not sulk because silence will not bring anything cheering you up.

In the case of man-woman relationship:

WOMAN: conversation is a method of building tighter relationship. That's why silence means friction among the girls.
MAN: conversation is used to convey the facts and information. Men are completely fine during silence.

So it's better if the wife doesn't have what she needs from the husband, then talk to the husband wisely and honestly, just to make the husband understand the wife more in a better way. Sulking may brings different means to different men. Just like my brother: he doesn't console his girlfriend every time she pulls a face, turning the phone off, ignoring the calls. He says not a single word, until the sister finally cured herself. (Aigoooo)

But I've seen my senior, who tries to console his wife every time she is sulking, even over the small matters.

Sometimes, when a person realizes (general people, not limited to boys-girl relationship) he/she makes a mistake to me, and I do not feel anything (yet not clueless) over the matter, it gives him/her more scarier thought. People may think that I am keeping all the bad feelings inside and not to spill it out, and explode real good one day.

That applies for all human being, not specifically to me. If you really think big and positive, you may not feeling anything over small matters, and be able to control your composure when something big happens.

I realize sulking isn't the best way to have his attention.

If you want attention, then give attention to him first. You'll be paid for what you give.

If you want love, then give love first. (How to get the love at the first place? Allah.)

What A Marriage Really Means?

Assalamualaikum.

The word 'marriage' really pokes me very frequently nowadays as I am now 20.
Some friends try to match me with someone. My parents ask me if I have anyone in mind to be the candidate.

Sengih je la.

Takde lagi.

What was really shocking this evening, my younger sister mentioned a particular guy, one of my friend here which was to be her senior.

A marriage comes with a bunches of responsibility.
Relationship.
Feeling-meeling.
Money.
Bills.
Study.
Groceries.
Kiddos.
In-laws.

The most important is, a marriage brings the question of building the ummah of Muhammad SAW. The ummah must be able to uphold Islam, through Khilafah. How can we be the great ummah if we are still under kufr ideologies?

So, the responsibility to teach the kiddos about being real Muslims falls on the parents.

Marriage is a the beginning of making ummah of Rasulullah SAW. Parents should be able to tell the children that Allah is the Lord, why Muhammad is the Prophet, why we should obey Allah and Rasulullah.... etc.